Please comment, tell me what you think e.g?

Hey I’ve been working on a beach scene recently, as this book is going to be aimed at for teens e.g It would be appreciated if any could read this and tell me what they think, the small plot leading to this is basically teen boy Chezney aged 17 and his dad has moved to Michigan (state) and now hes exploring a nearby beach. So give me comments e.g I might agree, might not, but any will be awesome. Thanks. P.S I’m good with gramar but not perfect so if there is any mistakes then thats why :)

The short walk to the beach was both refreshing and enjoyable. The main reason for this was that I had a longer time to look around the area, unlike in the car when there hadn’t been enough. After coming to the end of the street, I crossed the busy main road and started to make my way down to the some what crowded beach. As if I carried around a bad smell or forgot to put on my jeans, every face immediately turned to look in my direction as I stepped onto the hot sand. I instantly looked around to see if they were staring at someone else but unfortunately I was the only one there. I wasn’t exactly shocked by this weird behavior, as I had always received enough of it due to my popularity. As I decided to ignore this attention, which was very slowly starting to fade away, I continued to walk along the giant beach whilst taking in the amazing sights. Noticing that a lot of the beaches inhabitants were around my age, I gradually began to worry less about making friends and fitting in. As I carried on walking, I came across a group of teens enjoying an amusing game of volleyball. After seeing a that a girl had nearly been knocked out with the ball due to an extremely wonky shot, I stopped walking to see how this game turn out to be like. As an amusing five minutes passed, I had already seen three collisions, four fouls and the ball some how being thrown into the gentle sea. Soon after getting a little bored, I turned to carry on with my walk. As if to stop me, the ball suddenly flew straight over and landed right in front of my feet. As if this had all meant to happen I quickly bent down, picked up the white ball, carefully aimed and sent the ball flying directly back to its owners. Without waiting to be thanked, I turned back around to notice that a small juice bar stood straight up ahead. Deciding that I could do with something cold and refreshing, I quickly began to walk towards it, whilst digging around in my jeans pocket for a few dollars.

2 Responses to “Please comment, tell me what you think e.g?”

  1. kneegrowskillz Says:

    Grammar*

    Well, I like your story. It drew me in, it flowed smoothly I like it, I like it.

  2. Dave Says:

    Really bad.